Parenting What are you teaching your child about being bossy or responsible?

 I found this interesting article on how interactions with our children can influence their personality. 

I saw some mistakes I  made when my child was younger. As with all parenting none of us are perfect but we want the best for our children and our interactions can affect the person they become as they grow up.
I also said to myself after reading it, "okay maybe I did do some things right."

I watched my son recently with his grandson and as he was sweeping the kitchen floor and behind him the two year old was sweeping too. I admired his patience and encouragement and wondered if I was that patient with him when he was little? 

I sent him the article and told him how proud I was of him for teaching the little one responsibility in a kind loving way.  I also apologized to him if I didn't do the same for him when he was little. The amends a bit late but at least it has been said.

I would hope he got some of his patience from me, but I suspect his grandparents who raised him part of the time had the most influence while I was working (single mom) to support us. 

Hope you enjoy the article and pass it on. I wish I had read this when I was a young mom. :-)

https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2021/03/05/974069925/are-we-raising-unhelpful-bossy-kids-heres-the-fix?utm_source=pocket-newtab

Cure for Cancer Existed early 1900’s (documented)

 I found this video on YouTube and it is so amazing and disheartening all at the same time. 

Please share this with others my hope is that somehow in someway (but I doubt it because the pharmaceutical industry is so powerful) that this could be reinvented.  

We are living in a world driven by greed and power.  Sadly greed and power are more important than human life. 

https://youtu.be/nkQLlZxXLeI

George Floyds Death

I watched the news in disbelief as I saw this cop unwilling to believe the perpetrators cries for help.
I was shocked, stunned, sad and angry that no one stepped up or interfered to stop this travesty of injustice.
Lately we are being bombarded by angry prejudice people looking to blame minority groups for their current sufferings. Blacks are not alone in the attacks.
I listened to Mayor Jacob Frey call it what it was on the news Murder! I admired him not pulling any punches or trying to cover up what happened. Also admitting if the man was white it might not have gone down the same way.
THEN this morning on the news I watched the protesters and the looters!!! Breaking windows, robbing the stores, setting fires and I said to myself they might as well be tried for George Floyds death too.
These actions are what cause people and police to react to blacks. 
You react to people being racist,  yet you do things to create it.  I looked at the video and there were many people stealing and breaking windows it appeared to not be all black residents.
HOWEVER, when you allow stuff like this to happen in your community, you create a reputation and perception of your culture and you make people angry and in turn they blame and judge those that are black and committing crimes.
I watched people taking stuff out of the target store and I thought they are using this man’s death as an excuse to steal and loot and then they express outrage at his death while disrespecting George by their actions.
You want your voices heard? Then write letters, protest peaceably, don't be a target for hate mongers by looting your town.
I hope you can make amends to the community for your behavior and I hope the news will run that story as well.
Life is not fair, some days it really sucks, I wonder how did we get here? Why can’t we just accept and be kind to each other? Yes, I am a white Pollyanna, I have no idea what it’s like to walk in your shoes.
I do see discrimination and it makes me angry but sometimes the person being discriminated against has to ask themselves have I done anything to create this? Have I been unkind? Do I have an attitude, a chip on my shoulder? Do I not give someone a chance to be kind? Am I expecting discrimination before I even walk in the door?
Bottom line, prejudice is real, it is going to happen, each of us has a responsibility to respect others, many can’t do that, they were fed a diet of hate all their lives and it’s all they know.

I had a black friend in NY and she took a drive with me to pick up my son at my ex-husbands house. When we got back in the car she said "Is your ex prejudice?" My first reaction was” OMG did he say anything to offend you?" Her response, "No but if looks could kill I’d be dead and buried."  We laughed about it but I felt so bad for her and would have never put her in that position intentionally. I apologized for him all the way home.
Yes, he was prejudice, against everyone, he didn’t discriminate. If you were German you were a Nazi, if Polish, stupid, and the Jewish people were probably worse than blacks in his mind. Where did this hate come from I have no idea? It’s one of the reasons we divorced I could no longer live with the hate for everyone and everything around him. I was his victim as well.
My apologies,  I digressed, why I wrote this was about the looting and setting fires and wanted to ask the looters can you see that you have some responsibility in this man’s death by your actions? Your stealing, your entitlement attitude that people owe you and if they don’t do what you demand you use it as an excuse to loot, steal and burn innocent businesses as an act of revenge?  REALLY??
I think the cop was wrong, he murdered poor George, but I am asking you where does their anger and distrust come from? What is your part in the perception of trust for the black community?

Maybe a family member has been killed without cause? WE don’t know their history that creates actions like this cop took.  I am not defending him, this was wrong.  
But the community robbed George Floyd of focusing on the cop, you were a distraction and also a reason to question motives. You were wrong for looting stores and starting fires.
 I hope with all my heart, you can accept responsibility for your part in this terrible travesty of injustice and somehow make amends to your heartbroken community. 

Recently an old boyfiend called me. Asked me out for dinner and dancing. We had always enjoyed dancing together. I rearranged my schedule and met him at the place. It was a magical night. I had not had that much fun in a few years.
As I started to let my imagination run wild, a little voice in the back of my head told me....be careful. You know his moods can swing from day to day. Just stay in the moment.
The next day I was lost in the fantasy. He asking me if I thought we could try again. I said I am open to the possibilities
By the end of the week the roller coaster ride was daunting, from one day to the next. The last day we spoke the whole story had turned and suddenly my stomach was churning, I felt shell shocked and sad. He did send me an email saying please dont let us go! HELLO!!!!
I offered to be a dancing partner but made it clear, no romantic relationship. Which with my past histoy with him, I doubt he would accept for very long.
There are men that are misogynists. I suspect he is one. They woo you and make you feel special and then when you let your guard down, they pull the rug out from under you.
I am writing this because I want to cry today. Not for losing him, but for being reminded how wonderul it can be if you have someone special in your life. Someone trustworthy,consistent, caring and willing to be a friend in hopes a relationship may develop.
I have to remind myself I had a wonderful night. I learned that I have a desire I had not acknowledged in a long time.
I am grieving, I know it was only a week. But he was very good at sweeping me off my feet for those seven days! At least it wasn't months or years.
A friend asks me with love, "weren't you the one that always told me ""A leeopard never changes thier spots?"  Yep I did! Thank God I have people in my life that remind me.
No mater how old you are, keep your heart open to love.
Hope for the best, dont accept unacceptable behavior and above all know you are perfect just the way you are. Men are icing on the cake, NOT the cake.

LYING

I am not sure what prompts people to lie about things. Is it ego, self protection, a habit formed as a child? I am not talking about the so called white lie. A wife to husband "does my tusch look big in these jeans?" and you know if you say yes chances are she may pout and get hurt feelings so you don't answer honestly and hope she doesn't call you on the response.
However, when you trust someone to be honest with you in an important areas of life and they lie, how do you recover from the lie? Did you know, did you suspect? Did you move forward anyway?
My intuition told me from the first moment I met this girl, something was off. I told the girl that I went with to the meeting I didn't trust her. She thought she was nice and I was off my game. Both of them new acquaintances in my life. I gave the benefit of the doubt to the girl based on the persons comments that I have spent more time getting to know.
Now 8 months later, I have had the proverbial knife wound in the back. I am beating myself up for not trusting my initial instincts and wondering what lessons I am suppose to learn from this hurtful and annoying experience.
It is not a big deal, it certainly wasn't a surprise the writing on the wall started a couple of months ago. How could some of the things she told me be true? Guess what, they were not! Surprise? Nah, just disappointing.
I have found during my lifetime that I have befriended women who have problems. (What can I say I am a rescuer.) Often, I fail to realize, if they have problems the interactions can end up being problems as well.
Of course, I ask myself, what do I bring to the party to create what transpired?
I have my shortcomings, but lying is not one of them.
So I move on, let God handle the karma, think of her with a kind heart, wish her well and with time it will be a memory that fades into the past.
Next time I feel those feelings, and ask someone else what they think, I need to remember this situation and remind me to trust my own instincts, not another persons. Also forgive myself for wanting to believe that people are inherently good and don't let a few bad apples spoil my opinion of the whole apple basket.
Affirming today, my intuition is good and on target. Trust it, since it might save me some sorrow down the road  :-)

Poetry

Hello,
I am sharing a poem I wrote yesterday while Isaac's feeder bands wrought a bit of havoc on the east coast of Florida.  The need to visit the beach and see the ocean was strong. Later upon returning home I wrote this poem. As a child my dad often took me out on stormy days, it was our time, our moments to share the delight of nature.

OCEAN WHISPERS
by Shashana August 27^th 2012

The ocean whispered in my ear,

Come visit me, I am majestic today,

My waves are rising like mini skyscrapers,

My whitecaps trying to touch the dark grey sky

I hear the whispers and respond, I am coming,

The drive to the ocean a short one,

Isaac teasing the most mundane things with his gusts of wind,

I stop for a light, to my right, a black dumpster door performs for me

Each burst of wind lifting it, twisting it and then dropping it softly

On this grey day, life is wet, with winds and rain dancing

On the empty roads and only those loving a storm venture out

The beach parking lot has only a few cars,

Three or four people on the deck,  survey the beach;

Surfers probably, I wonder why they aren’t surfing,

I notice a dark blue object near the breaking waves,

A county employee comes to investigate,

Walking slowly and cautiously not sure what it might be,

He returns to say it was a boat that must have carried immigrants,

The coast guard markings let him know, they know,

I decide to get a closer look and walk down the ramp,

Taking off my shoes, wanting to feel the sand under my feet,

The velocity of the wind makes the sand feel like tiny pins hitting my leg

Quickly I walk back, I understand those staying on the board walk.

I breathe deeply and remember times in my childhood

Years ago, I would seek her, get comfort from her,

Feel her spraying my face with salt water,

Visiting storms, part of me and my dad’s adventures

I smile, I am happy the beach whispered for me to visit,

Or maybe it was Dad wanting to remember our special times,

I walk back to the car, but on my way I see a mermaid, it is beautiful

It adorns the wall of the rest rooms and I smile

My visit like so much else in life is about listening to your inner voice

Following your heart and receiving gifts far beyond the ordinary.

Isaac and the Stormy Beach

I love the venturing out during storms, my dad and I often went out during hurricanes  when I was a child. I remember one time winds so strong I grabbed on to a light pole to stay in one place. Wonderful memories especially when we camped at Montauk point, standing on the cliffs with the waves crashing and wind blowing. So yesterday I felt the need to visit the beach during Isaac. I wrote a poem and will share it and a photo in my next blog.