Personality Test

I was listening to a seminar on line today. During the course of the presentation, she mentioned "personalities". I thought I wonder if there are any free personality tests to take on line. What is my personality?  (Okay, I have an idea but like validation!)

I found one http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp  and took the test. Skeptically of course, as I do with much of my life. Of course I kept wondering if they were going to charge me at the end to get the results. However, no charge just an evaluation of my personality based on answering the questions honestly. WOW did they nail me! I was amazed.

It helped me understand myself a little better and understand the ups and downs in life that I experience. If you would like to share your experience, I would love to hear your feedback.

The seminar I listened today was presented by my close friend's daughter. She spoke on  Authenticity. A favorite topic of mine. He mom first introduced the word to me a while back.  I began to hear the word more, looked it up, trying to decide what it meant to me. I wrote my feelings about the word in one of my past blogs.  So listening to Susanne was a special treat for me and offered me more insights.

I included her site: http://thesinglesgym.com/  It offers some free advice and also coaching, counseling, or group participation for a fee.

I was about to write a closing when an old childhood game came to mind and I decided to share it with you, somehow it felt right to share.

There was a game I played when we I was a kid. It was called Giant Step you would ask the leader if you could take a step and the leader would say if you could take a giant step or a baby step. The goal was to become the leader by taking steps forward and sometimes backward. It all depended on the leaders generosity and choices. However in the game of your life you are the leader, you decide the type of step to take to achieve your goal.  

That's all for today. Whoever you discover you are, love and accept yourself and believe with all your heart in your possibilities. I wish you self knowledge today and insight into where you are going and the joy of becoming all you are meant to be with His grace. 

God Bless, 
Shashana

Surviving a Narcissist

A friend shared the following site with me:  http://www.lisaescott.com/
It is about dating a Narcissist. Who me??? Well after reading through the site, I realized I have dated a few. Here I am again asking myself why do I make these choices?
In thinking about that question I realized I have grown. When I see unacceptable behaviour or a few red flags, I pay attention. My radar is switched on, my history books aka journals come out and I begin to write, consider, meditate, share with friends and try to discover what action is needed on my part.
Since I am a pro at reflection on my choices in men I can laugh at myself when I am once again thinking about a situation. I have only been married one time, however engaged to quite a few men. The movie Runaway Bride starring Julia Roberts is one of my favorites. Sometimes I describe myself as commitment phobic, other times I think just terrified of getting hurt.
Then I laugh and say to myself,  sweetie they are not knocking down your door, there is no one in the wings waiting for you to be hot to trot.
As I approach the golden years, the only thing golden being the blond highlights in my hair. I ponder how younger people view us older folk. Do they realize that even though the body looks old, the mind is still young and mentally a teenager inside the old plump, greying haired body. A plucked chin hair the other day was white!
Soooo..... would I accept a narcissist in my life? I truly hope not! I have learned never to say never since fate sometimes makes a fool out of my defiant personality.
The bottom line, no one is perfect, and after reading thru the site, I remembered someone in my life that fit the criteria and at the time quickly ended the relationship. I didn't label him then, but now I can. Narcissist!
I still in my heart hold out hope for Prince Charming to come along.
However, in the meantime, there is a quasi boyfriend in my life, we were once hot lovers and now, well now it is a hug, a laugh, a meal shared, We listen and share our aging experiences, which keeps us laughing a lot. We are both on Plenty of Fish, a free on line dating site. We share our experiences, mostly rejection, from anyone that appears interesting.
We occasionally talk about living together in our old age, a duplex, we say. We know it would be impossible for us to live under the same roof. We are too different and set in our ways. We enjoy spending time together when we are feeling lonely. Do I consider him Narcissistic? A little bit, but then again don't we all have a bit of narcissism in each of us?

Authenticity

"Genuine", "Real" are words in the dictionary that describes Authenticity.
A friend and I were talking today about being our authentic selves. We agreed we were at a time in our life were being real and finding our passion was something that is a priority in our lives. It was wonderful meeting and connecting with a kindred spirit.
We were like two kids who found a playmate that wanted to play the same game.
We found joy in our conversation, empathy for each other and those like us.
Support for our ideas and desires, a realization that more is to be revealed.
Enthusiasm is so easy to spark when someone believes in you. Your ideas may be a fantasy, your funds limited, but YOU are you. Undeniably, unequivocally you. A perfectly imperfect human being with a seeds of joy, inspiration, creativity ready to bloom.  Amazingly, a small green sprig appears, from its protective covering and bit by bit with TLC it blooms.
Someone believed you could, someone believed you would. Then you believed it too.
Many of us are like cactus, existing in a dry arid dessert without much nourishment yet still bloom beautifully.
Others need more, they are the ones who may have been damaged early in their life and therefore require a bit more care to grow.
So we become a nurturer or the nurtured, sometimes alternating roles with those that come and go in our lives.
We evolve from being survivors into our AUTHENTIC self.
We are no longer worried what people think of us, we know who we are, we believe in ourselves, we learn to re-parent our inner child in a supportive and generous way.
Life is good. We accept the bumps in the road knowing we will get past them.
We understand each day is unpredictable so we embrace the moments and people on our journey in the moment. We live life like each day is our last. We are sensible yet carefree, our life lessons help us to achieve and maintain balance.
Authenticity, is a gift we are given, embrace it.
Keep in mind there are many who don't like authenticity, they are threatened by it, and may try to destroy what they don't understand.
Stand steadfast, serve your dignity, live with integrity, honesty, compassion, be open to all the joyful possibilities that believing in yourself brings to you each day and always remain your authentic self.
Namaste

Prosperity Corner

I recently read Clearing The Clutter with Feng Shui and was telling a friend about the book. She did Feng Shui many years ago. She suggested I take something I value and put it in my prosperity corner. Recently I purchased a set of Tingsha Bells an extravagance during a time of austerity. However I intuitively felt it was the right thing. I love clearing the energy in a room with them or just enjoying the sound they produce. The bells were something I valued so I placed them on the table in my prosperity corner of the house.
The following week I got a call regarding a resume I had sent out a few months prior and was offered a job that I accepted. Great pay, good hours and I have the opportunity to help others.
My heart and head reminded me that trusting the direction someone gave me and being willing to open my mind to the possibilities can have its rewards. My negativity can defeat me at times.
Tonight, I was checking my blog to make sure it worked, because sometimes I cant log onto the site and although tired felt the need to write something.
I was amazed once again at the time that passed since I last made a post.
I decided to share briefly about the gift I was given. There is an irony....it is now that I am working, I have little time for blogging. :-)
Balance, not an easy thing for me to find in my life, but tonight I got a little closer to the middle road of life. God bless you all.
Namaste, Shashana

Something New

Hi! I have added a playlist of a few of my favorite songs. I set it up as a seperate page so you are free to click on it and listen or just read the post.
Life has been busy, still seeking employment. With not working hardly at all, it seems I would be getting much more accomplished. Days fly by and then its weeks. August is closer to the holidays then June which felt like I was there only yesterday.
I did read a book "Clearing Out The Clutter with Feng Shui" it was an eyeopener and I have spent time letting go and clearing out things that are taking space and robbing me of good energy. My friend Else (http://karunasreflections.blogspot.com)gave so unselfishly of herself to help me organize and let go and motivate me to clear the clutter and bring in new energy. I could not have done it without her support. So if you are planning on doing it, get a buddy that has positive energy and ask her to help and encourage you.
Still much more to do and sometimes I get overwhelmed and then paralyzed about letting things go or selling them. In my head the forever "what if I need it" screams to survive. I read when we THINK we need it, we will. If we THINK we wont need it we won't. Interesting theory, I will let you know if I find it accurate. :-)
Anyway I have spent much of my time today figuring how to put the playlist in this blog. Somehow I messed up the password and could not access my blog. Which if you were a fly on my wall today you would have needed earplugs from the profanity that spewed from my usual angelic mouth. Well on occasion angelic mouth. LOL
It was a catharsis and actually I felt better in the end, since I vented quite a bit of frustration.
It helps to clear out the cobwebs in the patience part of the brain. A good shock to it with impatience can be good for it, don't you think?
I do hope you enjoy my initial selections.
Have a great day all.
Shashana

Serving Your Dignity

A friend many years ago told me to "always serve your dignity". She was referring to a job I had where the boss was abusive to me. When someone treated her disrespectfully she always walked. Even if finances were tenuous she walked. Shock and amazement were often my thoughts watching her make that decision. Funny thing, she always ended up on her feet and with usually something better.
I began to emulate her and found that God doesn't want me to be abused and he will provide something else IF I trust Him.
Now I am older, more scared, less flighty and worry more about finances and finding a job. When you are middle-aged and a bit over weight it is not easy finding employment. Especially with jobs so scarce. So as my one girlfriend always says, "suck it up and just do it" I tried my best.
This last weekend I lost it, and reported my boss to the ethical hotline for our corporation. She admitted she was nitpicking me and going to continue to nit pick at me becasue I was nit picking at the hours. What she defined as nitpicking, I defined as standing up for myself and not being taken advantage of.
Our hours were 11-5:45 with 2 ten minute breaks and half hour for lunch.
She made it impossible for us to take our morning break,and then wanted us to stay late cleaning up without getting paid. She has had many people call and complain about her tactics.
This weekend I left a minute early, (of course the fact I come in ten minutes early and start to work didn't count) I said to her when she confronted me,I was tired of her nitpicking. Her response was I am going to nitpick you because you nitpick about hours. I responded "so this is retaliation?" She denied it. "What is it?" I asked. She didnt answer. A few more words were exchanged and she said she was writing me up and I told her I was writing her up too. I did.
We have an ethics report line at work. I don't know if anything will come of it. I have no hours scheduled and will lose income if she doesn't put me on the calendar to work. However I served my dignity and have my integrity.
The next day I sent out three resumes. I have been trying to get a job since she railroaded my old boss out of her job. I usually don't even get a call back. Yesterday I got two calls and I have an interview the end of the week.
I smiled, as I thought, when I am willing to let go and serve my dignity, good things happen.

Hello Again

It has been a while since I wrote something. I have been busy, work, photography, and learning about me and my relationship with God.
Funny how life happens. The old boyfriend who I did not trust was gone. I thought about the boyfriend I had spent several years with and what an honest person he was and I wished he was in my life. A friend suggested I put a specific list of what I wanted in a man in my God box and I did. Except for a few things he fit what I wanted. I heard he was dating someone through a mutual acquaintance. I was not ready to start another relationship. Sometimes OUR plans and Gods are so different.
My son sent me a new phone and I had to re-enter all the numbers. I looked at Ed's number and thought should I put it in. I had heard he had a new girlfriend but knew if I ever needed to talk to him he would listen. So I put the # in my new phone.
I finished at the W's and put the phone down on my desk. I was reading the instructions and I heard a noise. I looked up and the phone was dialing someone, I looked at the name, ED. I tried to shut it off quickly. A few moments later it rang, it was Ed. He asked if I called and I mumbled inadvertently. Awkward pause and then I asked how he was doing. I mentioned I heard he had a new girlfriend. He didnt and wanted to know who told me that. I laughed, I do that often when I am with him.
He had gotten a computer and was learning how to use it. In the past he had done so much for me I jumped at the chance to give back. Thus it began, again.
When you are apart for almost a year you have time to think and reflect. It was like finding a pair of your favorite old slippers in the closet. You forgot how comfortable they were and how good they felt. It was like no time has passed and we comfortably started dating again. Nothing is perfect, there are differences but more importantly there is honesty, caring and mutual respect.
We kid that his momma made that phone ring, she knew how much I cared about him.
I never touched the phone, but I am grateful and happy that the powers that be knew we were a good fit and we could appreciate each other once again.