Hi! I have added a playlist of a few of my favorite songs. I set it up as a seperate page so you are free to click on it and listen or just read the post.
Life has been busy, still seeking employment. With not working hardly at all, it seems I would be getting much more accomplished. Days fly by and then its weeks. August is closer to the holidays then June which felt like I was there only yesterday.
I did read a book "Clearing Out The Clutter with Feng Shui" it was an eyeopener and I have spent time letting go and clearing out things that are taking space and robbing me of good energy. My friend Else (http://karunasreflections.blogspot.com)gave so unselfishly of herself to help me organize and let go and motivate me to clear the clutter and bring in new energy. I could not have done it without her support. So if you are planning on doing it, get a buddy that has positive energy and ask her to help and encourage you.
Still much more to do and sometimes I get overwhelmed and then paralyzed about letting things go or selling them. In my head the forever "what if I need it" screams to survive. I read when we THINK we need it, we will. If we THINK we wont need it we won't. Interesting theory, I will let you know if I find it accurate. :-)
Anyway I have spent much of my time today figuring how to put the playlist in this blog. Somehow I messed up the password and could not access my blog. Which if you were a fly on my wall today you would have needed earplugs from the profanity that spewed from my usual angelic mouth. Well on occasion angelic mouth. LOL
It was a catharsis and actually I felt better in the end, since I vented quite a bit of frustration.
It helps to clear out the cobwebs in the patience part of the brain. A good shock to it with impatience can be good for it, don't you think?
I do hope you enjoy my initial selections.
Have a great day all.
Shashana
Fall In Virginia
Visiting Virginia in the fall and the colors so vibrant. I need to leave Florida more often!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Serving Your Dignity
A friend many years ago told me to "always serve your dignity". She was referring to a job I had where the boss was abusive to me. When someone treated her disrespectfully she always walked. Even if finances were tenuous she walked. Shock and amazement were often my thoughts watching her make that decision. Funny thing, she always ended up on her feet and with usually something better.
I began to emulate her and found that God doesn't want me to be abused and he will provide something else IF I trust Him.
Now I am older, more scared, less flighty and worry more about finances and finding a job. When you are middle-aged and a bit over weight it is not easy finding employment. Especially with jobs so scarce. So as my one girlfriend always says, "suck it up and just do it" I tried my best.
This last weekend I lost it, and reported my boss to the ethical hotline for our corporation. She admitted she was nitpicking me and going to continue to nit pick at me becasue I was nit picking at the hours. What she defined as nitpicking, I defined as standing up for myself and not being taken advantage of.
Our hours were 11-5:45 with 2 ten minute breaks and half hour for lunch.
She made it impossible for us to take our morning break,and then wanted us to stay late cleaning up without getting paid. She has had many people call and complain about her tactics.
This weekend I left a minute early, (of course the fact I come in ten minutes early and start to work didn't count) I said to her when she confronted me,I was tired of her nitpicking. Her response was I am going to nitpick you because you nitpick about hours. I responded "so this is retaliation?" She denied it. "What is it?" I asked. She didnt answer. A few more words were exchanged and she said she was writing me up and I told her I was writing her up too. I did.
We have an ethics report line at work. I don't know if anything will come of it. I have no hours scheduled and will lose income if she doesn't put me on the calendar to work. However I served my dignity and have my integrity.
The next day I sent out three resumes. I have been trying to get a job since she railroaded my old boss out of her job. I usually don't even get a call back. Yesterday I got two calls and I have an interview the end of the week.
I smiled, as I thought, when I am willing to let go and serve my dignity, good things happen.
I began to emulate her and found that God doesn't want me to be abused and he will provide something else IF I trust Him.
Now I am older, more scared, less flighty and worry more about finances and finding a job. When you are middle-aged and a bit over weight it is not easy finding employment. Especially with jobs so scarce. So as my one girlfriend always says, "suck it up and just do it" I tried my best.
This last weekend I lost it, and reported my boss to the ethical hotline for our corporation. She admitted she was nitpicking me and going to continue to nit pick at me becasue I was nit picking at the hours. What she defined as nitpicking, I defined as standing up for myself and not being taken advantage of.
Our hours were 11-5:45 with 2 ten minute breaks and half hour for lunch.
She made it impossible for us to take our morning break,and then wanted us to stay late cleaning up without getting paid. She has had many people call and complain about her tactics.
This weekend I left a minute early, (of course the fact I come in ten minutes early and start to work didn't count) I said to her when she confronted me,I was tired of her nitpicking. Her response was I am going to nitpick you because you nitpick about hours. I responded "so this is retaliation?" She denied it. "What is it?" I asked. She didnt answer. A few more words were exchanged and she said she was writing me up and I told her I was writing her up too. I did.
We have an ethics report line at work. I don't know if anything will come of it. I have no hours scheduled and will lose income if she doesn't put me on the calendar to work. However I served my dignity and have my integrity.
The next day I sent out three resumes. I have been trying to get a job since she railroaded my old boss out of her job. I usually don't even get a call back. Yesterday I got two calls and I have an interview the end of the week.
I smiled, as I thought, when I am willing to let go and serve my dignity, good things happen.
Hello Again
It has been a while since I wrote something. I have been busy, work, photography, and learning about me and my relationship with God.
Funny how life happens. The old boyfriend who I did not trust was gone. I thought about the boyfriend I had spent several years with and what an honest person he was and I wished he was in my life. A friend suggested I put a specific list of what I wanted in a man in my God box and I did. Except for a few things he fit what I wanted. I heard he was dating someone through a mutual acquaintance. I was not ready to start another relationship. Sometimes OUR plans and Gods are so different.
My son sent me a new phone and I had to re-enter all the numbers. I looked at Ed's number and thought should I put it in. I had heard he had a new girlfriend but knew if I ever needed to talk to him he would listen. So I put the # in my new phone.
I finished at the W's and put the phone down on my desk. I was reading the instructions and I heard a noise. I looked up and the phone was dialing someone, I looked at the name, ED. I tried to shut it off quickly. A few moments later it rang, it was Ed. He asked if I called and I mumbled inadvertently. Awkward pause and then I asked how he was doing. I mentioned I heard he had a new girlfriend. He didnt and wanted to know who told me that. I laughed, I do that often when I am with him.
He had gotten a computer and was learning how to use it. In the past he had done so much for me I jumped at the chance to give back. Thus it began, again.
When you are apart for almost a year you have time to think and reflect. It was like finding a pair of your favorite old slippers in the closet. You forgot how comfortable they were and how good they felt. It was like no time has passed and we comfortably started dating again. Nothing is perfect, there are differences but more importantly there is honesty, caring and mutual respect.
We kid that his momma made that phone ring, she knew how much I cared about him.
I never touched the phone, but I am grateful and happy that the powers that be knew we were a good fit and we could appreciate each other once again.
Funny how life happens. The old boyfriend who I did not trust was gone. I thought about the boyfriend I had spent several years with and what an honest person he was and I wished he was in my life. A friend suggested I put a specific list of what I wanted in a man in my God box and I did. Except for a few things he fit what I wanted. I heard he was dating someone through a mutual acquaintance. I was not ready to start another relationship. Sometimes OUR plans and Gods are so different.
My son sent me a new phone and I had to re-enter all the numbers. I looked at Ed's number and thought should I put it in. I had heard he had a new girlfriend but knew if I ever needed to talk to him he would listen. So I put the # in my new phone.
I finished at the W's and put the phone down on my desk. I was reading the instructions and I heard a noise. I looked up and the phone was dialing someone, I looked at the name, ED. I tried to shut it off quickly. A few moments later it rang, it was Ed. He asked if I called and I mumbled inadvertently. Awkward pause and then I asked how he was doing. I mentioned I heard he had a new girlfriend. He didnt and wanted to know who told me that. I laughed, I do that often when I am with him.
He had gotten a computer and was learning how to use it. In the past he had done so much for me I jumped at the chance to give back. Thus it began, again.
When you are apart for almost a year you have time to think and reflect. It was like finding a pair of your favorite old slippers in the closet. You forgot how comfortable they were and how good they felt. It was like no time has passed and we comfortably started dating again. Nothing is perfect, there are differences but more importantly there is honesty, caring and mutual respect.
We kid that his momma made that phone ring, she knew how much I cared about him.
I never touched the phone, but I am grateful and happy that the powers that be knew we were a good fit and we could appreciate each other once again.
Monday, February 28, 2011
A Leopard Doesn't Change It's Spot's
The title of this blog today is about trusting your instincts and what you know to be true in spite of what your heart wants. Its also about a book that has been an important part of my life for many years.
HOW TO SURVIVE THE LOSS OF A LOVE. Here is a link if you want to order it.
The book has been a wonderful source of comfort over the years during all kinds of losses. Yesterday I picked it up again.
That old boyfriend that returned is now out of the picture. I think somewhere in the book it tells you, one can never go back. Now and again you forget common sense and decide with only your heart. I was feeling really sad yesterday, sad about the loss of phone calls, plans,affection etc. It ended because he lies. I knew this, but he was very convincing that he had changed.
There was a lot of drama that happened before the end, some of it mine, some his, some a third party. The decision was a no brainer. But tell that to the heart or the little girl inside me that was happy to have someone to dance with and feel like prince charming had returned.
Letting go of the dream, is more difficult then letting go of the man. I have friends that encourage me to feel the feelings, the anger, denial, bargaining and ultimately acceptance.
We only dated a month. I thought to myself this grieving feels huge and realized it was about all the losses in my life not just him.
I took the time to smudge the house yesterday and asked for any negative energy to leave and held him in my thoughts for a good life journey.
I read some pages from a meditation book and then picked up my old favorite, How to Survive the Loss of a Love. I felt calm and peaceful.
Today I had some feelings that made me sad, and I picked up the Surviving book and opened to a page. There was a poem
First I have to get out of love with you
Second I have to remember
Dont fall until you see the whites of their lies
I smiled, God was talking to me again, comforting me, validating my decision.
It will take time. This last month, healthy boudaries were set, red flags were recognized, and esteemable acts continued, as I gratefully listened to those that care about me with an open heart.
The passing of the feelings of loss will move quickly. There was not a big investment since I was cautiously optimistic. However, the longing for someone to share my life with was awakened by my relationship and that will be my lesson.
HOW TO SURVIVE THE LOSS OF A LOVE. Here is a link if you want to order it.
The book has been a wonderful source of comfort over the years during all kinds of losses. Yesterday I picked it up again.
That old boyfriend that returned is now out of the picture. I think somewhere in the book it tells you, one can never go back. Now and again you forget common sense and decide with only your heart. I was feeling really sad yesterday, sad about the loss of phone calls, plans,affection etc. It ended because he lies. I knew this, but he was very convincing that he had changed.
There was a lot of drama that happened before the end, some of it mine, some his, some a third party. The decision was a no brainer. But tell that to the heart or the little girl inside me that was happy to have someone to dance with and feel like prince charming had returned.
Letting go of the dream, is more difficult then letting go of the man. I have friends that encourage me to feel the feelings, the anger, denial, bargaining and ultimately acceptance.
We only dated a month. I thought to myself this grieving feels huge and realized it was about all the losses in my life not just him.
I took the time to smudge the house yesterday and asked for any negative energy to leave and held him in my thoughts for a good life journey.
I read some pages from a meditation book and then picked up my old favorite, How to Survive the Loss of a Love. I felt calm and peaceful.
Today I had some feelings that made me sad, and I picked up the Surviving book and opened to a page. There was a poem
First I have to get out of love with you
Second I have to remember
Dont fall until you see the whites of their lies
I smiled, God was talking to me again, comforting me, validating my decision.
It will take time. This last month, healthy boudaries were set, red flags were recognized, and esteemable acts continued, as I gratefully listened to those that care about me with an open heart.
The passing of the feelings of loss will move quickly. There was not a big investment since I was cautiously optimistic. However, the longing for someone to share my life with was awakened by my relationship and that will be my lesson.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Relationships
Relationships are difficult. The author, Scott M. Peck, has for the first line in one of his books "life is difficult" I understand those words. I also believe we create some of our own difficult situations.
I seem to handle life when alone with a positive attitude, most days. :-) I have moments where I would like someone to go to dinner with, cuddle or go dancing. Mostly, I feel I have a good balance in my life when alone; work, photography, friends etc.
Recently I began dating an old boyfriend again. I don't like who I become when dating. Maybe it's because we had a romantic relationship in the past. How do you go back to just being friends till you see if the romantic part could be rekindled? I feel romantic feelings, but the past makes me guarded. I was telling an old friend about the way I felt, her wise words to me were:
It seems like it would be easy to have a fun relationship as long as you don’t try to make the guy own your ideas. Everyone is entitled to their way of life even if it doesn’t agree with yours.
I loved that, I read it to him, he loved it. Ahhhh now the hard part, to practice it in my life on a daily basis.
It appears to me I am in "fall down seven times, get up eight" mode.
Living life on life's terms is not always easy, the rewards however are like new branches forming on an old tree. With time they will bloom and flower and maybe learning life lessons will be welcomed and not feared.
I seem to handle life when alone with a positive attitude, most days. :-) I have moments where I would like someone to go to dinner with, cuddle or go dancing. Mostly, I feel I have a good balance in my life when alone; work, photography, friends etc.
Recently I began dating an old boyfriend again. I don't like who I become when dating. Maybe it's because we had a romantic relationship in the past. How do you go back to just being friends till you see if the romantic part could be rekindled? I feel romantic feelings, but the past makes me guarded. I was telling an old friend about the way I felt, her wise words to me were:
It seems like it would be easy to have a fun relationship as long as you don’t try to make the guy own your ideas. Everyone is entitled to their way of life even if it doesn’t agree with yours.
I loved that, I read it to him, he loved it. Ahhhh now the hard part, to practice it in my life on a daily basis.
It appears to me I am in "fall down seven times, get up eight" mode.
Living life on life's terms is not always easy, the rewards however are like new branches forming on an old tree. With time they will bloom and flower and maybe learning life lessons will be welcomed and not feared.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Good Morning World
Forgive me for my last post, I know it was long, I just needed to vent and thank you for listening. I went into Goodwill last week and we caught each others eye and it appeared a truce was in the process. I did not pursue reporting it and I sensed she appreciated no backlash. Sometimes we have to just ask ourselves "how important is it?" We don't know what is happening in another person's life at that moment.
I had an old friend call me recently wanting to reconnect. We did and spent some time together. It was fun and good and I had hopes that the friendship might develop into something more. However, we are both strong willed people and opinionated. I am a communicator, very few of the opposite sex find that appealing. My perspective is if something is wrong lets talk about it. They on the other hand retreat into the cave of silence. I just thought of Maxwell Smart and the cone of silence. Cave, cone, they retreat! :-)
I am not a mind reader, admittedly sometimes I think I am, my ego can really get carried away with itself at times. :-)
I guess what I dislike most is someone punishing me by not talking about what is happening. Not wanting to sort it out. How can something be resolved without honesty, open mindedness and willingness?
Today I have no answers, just disappointment. Life is going to have its up and downs and I need to trust my God for the outcome. He never fails me and with every sitiuation I need to look for the lessons and ask God to help me learn it, then practice what I learned and become what he wants me to be.
Oh I can talk it so good, its the walking it that takes the most effort.
Thanks for listening to my thoughts. Life is so much easier when shared.
I had an old friend call me recently wanting to reconnect. We did and spent some time together. It was fun and good and I had hopes that the friendship might develop into something more. However, we are both strong willed people and opinionated. I am a communicator, very few of the opposite sex find that appealing. My perspective is if something is wrong lets talk about it. They on the other hand retreat into the cave of silence. I just thought of Maxwell Smart and the cone of silence. Cave, cone, they retreat! :-)
I am not a mind reader, admittedly sometimes I think I am, my ego can really get carried away with itself at times. :-)
I guess what I dislike most is someone punishing me by not talking about what is happening. Not wanting to sort it out. How can something be resolved without honesty, open mindedness and willingness?
Today I have no answers, just disappointment. Life is going to have its up and downs and I need to trust my God for the outcome. He never fails me and with every sitiuation I need to look for the lessons and ask God to help me learn it, then practice what I learned and become what he wants me to be.
Oh I can talk it so good, its the walking it that takes the most effort.
Thanks for listening to my thoughts. Life is so much easier when shared.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Shopping at Goodwill
One of my favorite places to visit is Goodwill on Wednesday's. Seniors get a 25% discount. I usually look at picture frames for my photos. This day, I wandered over to the books. Lord knows, I dont need any more books!!
As I browsed through my eyes found Mind Magic by Marc Lemezma
I always liked Magic books, when I was young a favorite stop with my dad was a Magic Shop in Freeport, NY. The book I held was sadly mistreated.
When you opened the book the inside cover was missing part of the face page along the edge.
This was not a concern,I was interested in the content, which was intact.
Goodwill charges $2.49 for hardbacks .I was sure they would work with me on the price. The cashier, a new face the last few weeks, was unwilling to negotiate. After looking at it, she threw it to the side. Clearly she was not a book lover!
I picked it up and said I want to speak with a manager. Annoyed, she advised me the manager would return in ten minutes. "I'll wait!" Which made her seem to develop an attitude of contempt for me.
I paid for my other items, as the shift manager returned. Before I could talk to her the cashier whispered something, the shift manager looked up and said $1.99.
Did you look at the book? She glanced down, "yes, $1.99". The cashier smirking says "do you want it?" "Not at the moment" and she is ready to dismiss me. "What I do want is my $13 change from the $20 I just gave you."
I decide to see if there is a real manager in the back, a kind looking woman was walking by as I opened the swinging door. She asked if she could help, I showed her the book and she says "that shouldn't be on the shelf in that condition!"
I offer to pay ninety nine cents for it, she smiles and marks it .89 At last, someone who agreed the book was not worth $2.49 or $1.99.
I walk back to the registers. The cashier from earlier, turned to the other cashier and said loudly, "she has a book that is $1.99, that's the price!
What is her problem, I am feeling attacked.
I smile and said "the manager in the back gave it to me for 89 cents." She glares at me like I was a thief or a liar. The shift supervisor proclaims there is no manager in the back and calls me over to her line.
Am I shopping at Goodwill? There is no good will in Goodwill today.
The young shift manager checked me out and I whispered "what is her problem?" as I cocked my head toward the mean spirited cashier. I added "I doubt if you would have made it $1.99 without her whispering to you."
She denied it, but I believe there was some colusion involved in the situation. The cashier overheard my question, and loudly asked "What did you say?" I felt threatened at that moment, she looked like Wonder Woman, tall and strong,I felt like she wanted to hit me. I didn't now Goodwill hired bullies.
Clearly she had some issues with me. This was not the first time she was disrespectful to me. I wondered if it was me or if others had experienced her wrath?
I took her name. After this I will write a letter to Goodwill, include the photos and hopefully they will live up to their name next time I shop there and maybe offer some customer service or anger management classes to the cashier.
Thanks for listening!
As I browsed through my eyes found Mind Magic by Marc Lemezma
I always liked Magic books, when I was young a favorite stop with my dad was a Magic Shop in Freeport, NY. The book I held was sadly mistreated.
When you opened the book the inside cover was missing part of the face page along the edge.
Goodwill charges $2.49 for hardbacks .I was sure they would work with me on the price. The cashier, a new face the last few weeks, was unwilling to negotiate. After looking at it, she threw it to the side. Clearly she was not a book lover!
I picked it up and said I want to speak with a manager. Annoyed, she advised me the manager would return in ten minutes. "I'll wait!" Which made her seem to develop an attitude of contempt for me.
I paid for my other items, as the shift manager returned. Before I could talk to her the cashier whispered something, the shift manager looked up and said $1.99.
Did you look at the book? She glanced down, "yes, $1.99". The cashier smirking says "do you want it?" "Not at the moment" and she is ready to dismiss me. "What I do want is my $13 change from the $20 I just gave you."
I decide to see if there is a real manager in the back, a kind looking woman was walking by as I opened the swinging door. She asked if she could help, I showed her the book and she says "that shouldn't be on the shelf in that condition!"
I offer to pay ninety nine cents for it, she smiles and marks it .89 At last, someone who agreed the book was not worth $2.49 or $1.99.
I walk back to the registers. The cashier from earlier, turned to the other cashier and said loudly, "she has a book that is $1.99, that's the price!
What is her problem, I am feeling attacked.
I smile and said "the manager in the back gave it to me for 89 cents." She glares at me like I was a thief or a liar. The shift supervisor proclaims there is no manager in the back and calls me over to her line.
Am I shopping at Goodwill? There is no good will in Goodwill today.
The young shift manager checked me out and I whispered "what is her problem?" as I cocked my head toward the mean spirited cashier. I added "I doubt if you would have made it $1.99 without her whispering to you."
She denied it, but I believe there was some colusion involved in the situation. The cashier overheard my question, and loudly asked "What did you say?" I felt threatened at that moment, she looked like Wonder Woman, tall and strong,I felt like she wanted to hit me. I didn't now Goodwill hired bullies.
Clearly she had some issues with me. This was not the first time she was disrespectful to me. I wondered if it was me or if others had experienced her wrath?
I took her name. After this I will write a letter to Goodwill, include the photos and hopefully they will live up to their name next time I shop there and maybe offer some customer service or anger management classes to the cashier.
Thanks for listening!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)