My quazi boyfriend returned from a five week trip. He appeared cold, indifferent, detached and when I went to hold his hand his reaction was to pull back initally. I tried to ask some questions which just brought an attitude of annoyance and avoidance.
Meandering the local Wal-mart it felt frigid and we weren't near the freezers.
When I had picked up the few things I wanted he dismissed me and went on to look at some things he needed. Very unlike the man that left five weeks earlier.
As soon as I arrived I felt the negative energy. Then he ran into someone he knew. Listening to the conversation my body shuddered at the words they use along with negative attitudes about life. I thought, run into the sunlight,somehow hoping it would wash off any adverse vibrations from these people. The others departed but the chill from him remained.
On my way home shedding a few tears, thinking about the short visit, my questions to myself included: Why do you feel in spite of continual hurt you want to stay connected to this person?
Yes its a friendship, but in my heart buried deep is a memory of the person I once loved. So letting go is difficult, yet staying is even more difficult. We are trying to be friends, can one do that now? One always cares more then the other, don't they?
When home, reading the book "when life falls apart" I feel comforted and back in the sunlight of the spirit. I write, I meditate, I pray, my vision a bit clearer, my resolve a bit stronger.
I go into the kitchen and find my water purfier is broken. I sigh, I dont know how to fix it, is that why I dont want to let him go? Reminding myself we have changed, and laughter is minimal, the armor is on, the war is silently waged and I ask God to heal my heart and provide someone to fix my reverse osmosis system.
I don't know where I am going, but I do know where I have been.
Do I want to go back or move forward, to hold on or to let go, to risk finding someone that meets my needs or hold on to whats familiar? Is independence better then codependency?
For today no concrete answers, but they are coming as I am walking, learning and seeking the path of enlightenment.
Fall In Virginia
Visiting Virginia in the fall and the colors so vibrant. I need to leave Florida more often!
Friday, March 16, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Government Legacy of Entitlement
I received an email with the subject line "view from a young doctor".
My first reaction was another spam email. I read part and it captured my interest and finished reading it. What a brave young man. Next I wanted to check it out and see if it was true or just spam. I could not find anything that said it was a myth and if you do and I missed it please let me know. It felt it was a letter from the heart. There was the amazement and sense of imbalance in the letter. I often experienced those feelings at my old job.
As I read it, I thought back to when I was working to help people get counseling and encourage them to take advantage of opportunities for them to get an education.
The lack of enthusiasm and sense of entitlement many of my clients appeared to maintain left me frustrated.
To read the doctors letter click the link below.
I also believe our government is promoting this attitude of entitlement with the benefits they are providing for themselves. The lobbyists that are representing greed driven companies dominate our culture.
Those living on a small budget continue to attempt making thier money stretch. Often an almost impossible task. Many are trying to be accountable and responsible, managing their finances and hoping now and again to enjoy an occasional luxury like going to the movies. Something those making the laws in our government take for granted.
Sadly, I dont have a solution, I wonder if there is one? I hang on to hope, write my frustrations and believe when the time comes the God of my understanding will do what needs to be done to get our world back on track. For me that means a world where we respect each other, no enabling, teaching strong work ethics and sharing a cooperation of spirit resulting in a better world. I guess for today you can call my Pollyanna.
http://james4america.wordpress.com/2011/02/02/obamacare-views-from-a-young-doctor/#comment-24871
My first reaction was another spam email. I read part and it captured my interest and finished reading it. What a brave young man. Next I wanted to check it out and see if it was true or just spam. I could not find anything that said it was a myth and if you do and I missed it please let me know. It felt it was a letter from the heart. There was the amazement and sense of imbalance in the letter. I often experienced those feelings at my old job.
As I read it, I thought back to when I was working to help people get counseling and encourage them to take advantage of opportunities for them to get an education.
The lack of enthusiasm and sense of entitlement many of my clients appeared to maintain left me frustrated.
To read the doctors letter click the link below.
I also believe our government is promoting this attitude of entitlement with the benefits they are providing for themselves. The lobbyists that are representing greed driven companies dominate our culture.
Those living on a small budget continue to attempt making thier money stretch. Often an almost impossible task. Many are trying to be accountable and responsible, managing their finances and hoping now and again to enjoy an occasional luxury like going to the movies. Something those making the laws in our government take for granted.
Sadly, I dont have a solution, I wonder if there is one? I hang on to hope, write my frustrations and believe when the time comes the God of my understanding will do what needs to be done to get our world back on track. For me that means a world where we respect each other, no enabling, teaching strong work ethics and sharing a cooperation of spirit resulting in a better world. I guess for today you can call my Pollyanna.
http://james4america.wordpress.com/2011/02/02/obamacare-views-from-a-young-doctor/#comment-24871
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