Poetry

Hello,
I am sharing a poem I wrote yesterday while Isaac's feeder bands wrought a bit of havoc on the east coast of Florida.  The need to visit the beach and see the ocean was strong. Later upon returning home I wrote this poem. As a child my dad often took me out on stormy days, it was our time, our moments to share the delight of nature.

OCEAN WHISPERS
by Shashana August 27^th 2012

The ocean whispered in my ear,

Come visit me, I am majestic today,

My waves are rising like mini skyscrapers,

My whitecaps trying to touch the dark grey sky

I hear the whispers and respond, I am coming,

The drive to the ocean a short one,

Isaac teasing the most mundane things with his gusts of wind,

I stop for a light, to my right, a black dumpster door performs for me

Each burst of wind lifting it, twisting it and then dropping it softly

On this grey day, life is wet, with winds and rain dancing

On the empty roads and only those loving a storm venture out

The beach parking lot has only a few cars,

Three or four people on the deck,  survey the beach;

Surfers probably, I wonder why they aren’t surfing,

I notice a dark blue object near the breaking waves,

A county employee comes to investigate,

Walking slowly and cautiously not sure what it might be,

He returns to say it was a boat that must have carried immigrants,

The coast guard markings let him know, they know,

I decide to get a closer look and walk down the ramp,

Taking off my shoes, wanting to feel the sand under my feet,

The velocity of the wind makes the sand feel like tiny pins hitting my leg

Quickly I walk back, I understand those staying on the board walk.

I breathe deeply and remember times in my childhood

Years ago, I would seek her, get comfort from her,

Feel her spraying my face with salt water,

Visiting storms, part of me and my dad’s adventures

I smile, I am happy the beach whispered for me to visit,

Or maybe it was Dad wanting to remember our special times,

I walk back to the car, but on my way I see a mermaid, it is beautiful

It adorns the wall of the rest rooms and I smile

My visit like so much else in life is about listening to your inner voice

Following your heart and receiving gifts far beyond the ordinary.

Isaac and the Stormy Beach

I love the venturing out during storms, my dad and I often went out during hurricanes  when I was a child. I remember one time winds so strong I grabbed on to a light pole to stay in one place. Wonderful memories especially when we camped at Montauk point, standing on the cliffs with the waves crashing and wind blowing. So yesterday I felt the need to visit the beach during Isaac. I wrote a poem and will share it and a photo in my next blog.

It's Been A While

A quick note to share some thoughts:
I finally got my home office to the point where I can actually lay on the floor and do yoga! There was no where in the house I could stretch out. It feels good. Now I have to start doing Yoga!!
My life is filled with great intentions, sometimes the Niki saying "JUST DO IT!" works and other times I am the tortoise and everyone else is the hare.
Time seems to FLY by, one day blending into the next and me wondering how I got to July when last week it was Christmas. Anyone else experience that dilemma? Seems the older I get the faster time goes.
However, my creative spirit has been active, I made some jewelry that I am hoping to sell. Cleaning has been a catharsis, I try to spend an hour a day letting go of items I no longer need.  There have been a few trips to my donate box in the hall to pull things back and then another trip back to let it go.
One really needs to get rid of it right away so there is no second thoughts. The only thought then is "It's gone, oh well!" Yes I know there may be a scream, or tears or agonizing thoughts about how you may need it someday. But in the long run, you will feel relieved you let it go.
My new adventure is learning about the Tarot. I have picked it up and put it down numerous times over the years. My grandmother read the Tarot with me when I was a child. Using the cards comforts me. Memories of those delightful moments we shared make it feel like yesterday, talking over a cup of tea she reading the cards, then the tea leaves after finishing our tea. 
I wish she was here for me to talk with, I guess in a way she is, her spirit encourages me to discover this medium. The cards I use are Angel Cards by Doreen Virture. When I practice with them and ask a question, the answers seem to show up in the cards to my  amazement. 
Some people arent sure what to think of my new interest, while others are anxious for me to read the cards fot them. Since I need to practice, I am grateful for those willing to be open minded to all possibilities.
So my friends I will let you know how it goes. There is much on line to study and listen too! For now, it intrigues me and calls to me to think outside of the box. It is an interesting journey. One of my friends used to read the Tarot and we are going to go to some classes together which is really great. My life and mind is getting exercise, even if my body isnt on my nice clean wide open office floor.
Will keep you informed....... have a blessed day.
Shashana

MAKE A DIFFERENCE

I got an email yesterday and I often delete many of them if they are long jokes or stories or pass it on type email. My time is too valuable to waste on perpetuating myths. Occasionally I find something, funny, touching or serious as I quickly peruse the emails. When I do find one worthy of passing on I check to see if it is legitimate.
Well yesterday I received a link to a video, I was appalled and shocked, not so much by what was happening but by the fact our government was not doing anything to stop the dishonest practice. In checking it out, it is real.
It appears that illegal immigrants that are allowed to work in this country legally are given a TIN # and that can be used to file an income tax return. Many of them are claiming extra children that do not live with them and getting huge tax credits and returns.
I am a senior that is barely paying the bills and these people are getting thousands of dollars for children not even living in their home or in this country!
The news story speaks for itself. I have included a link, I called my congressmen today and expect an explanation of why they aren't doing something to protect us from this dishonest assault on our country.
PLEASE, PLEASE CALL your local and congressional representatives and stop the broken system that is costing this country billions of dollars a year.

Here is the link:

original story

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gwWaKkV6RM

Follow ups

http://www.wthr.com/story/17861738/will-lawmakers-act-to-close-tax-loophole-for-illegal-immigrants?clienttype=printable

Here is a link to find out who your congressmen are and their phone numbers: 
http://www.contactingthecongress.org/cgi-bin/newseek.cgi

What to do?

My quazi boyfriend returned from a five week trip. He appeared cold, indifferent, detached and when I went to hold his hand his reaction was to pull back initally.  I tried to ask some questions which just brought an attitude of annoyance and avoidance.
Meandering the local Wal-mart it felt frigid and we weren't near the freezers.
When I had picked up the few things I wanted he dismissed me and went on to look at some things he needed. Very unlike the man that left five weeks earlier.
As soon as I arrived I felt the negative energy. Then he ran into someone he knew.  Listening to the conversation my body shuddered at the words they use along with negative attitudes about life. I thought, run into the sunlight,somehow hoping it would wash off any adverse vibrations from these people. The others departed but the chill from him remained.
On my way home shedding a few tears, thinking about the short visit, my questions to myself included: Why do you feel in spite of continual hurt you want to stay connected to this person?
Yes its a friendship, but in my heart buried deep is a memory of the person I once loved. So letting go is difficult, yet staying is even more difficult. We are trying to be friends, can one do that now? One always cares more then the other, don't they?
When home, reading the book "when life falls apart" I feel comforted and back in the sunlight of the spirit. I write, I meditate, I pray, my vision a bit clearer, my resolve a bit stronger.
I go into the kitchen and find my water purfier is broken. I sigh, I dont know how to fix it, is that why I dont want to let him go? Reminding myself we have changed, and laughter is minimal, the armor is on, the war is silently waged and I ask God to heal my heart and provide someone to fix my reverse osmosis system.
I don't know where I am going, but I do know where I have been.
Do I want to go back or move forward, to hold on or to let go, to risk finding someone that meets my needs or hold on to whats familiar? Is independence better then codependency?
For today no concrete answers, but they are coming as I am walking, learning and seeking the path of enlightenment. 
 

Government Legacy of Entitlement

I received an email with the subject line "view from a young doctor".
My first reaction was another spam email. I read part and it captured my interest and finished reading it. What a brave young man. Next I wanted to check it out and see if it was true or just spam.  I could not find anything that said it was a myth and if you do and I missed it please let me know. It felt it was a letter from the heart. There was the amazement and sense of imbalance in the letter. I often experienced those feelings at my old job.
As I read it, I thought back to when I was working to help people get counseling and encourage them to take advantage of opportunities for them to get an education.
The lack of enthusiasm and sense of entitlement many of my clients appeared  to maintain left me frustrated.
To read the doctors letter click the link below.
I also believe our government is promoting this attitude of entitlement with the benefits they are providing for themselves.  The lobbyists that are representing greed driven companies dominate our culture. 
Those living on a small budget continue to attempt making thier money stretch. Often an almost impossible task. Many are trying to be accountable and responsible, managing their finances and hoping now and again to enjoy an occasional luxury like going to the movies. Something those making the laws in our government take for granted. 
Sadly, I dont have a solution, I wonder if there is one? I hang on to hope, write my frustrations and believe when the time comes the God of my understanding will do what needs to be done to get our world back on track. For me that means a world where we respect each other, no enabling, teaching strong work ethics and sharing a cooperation of spirit resulting in a better world. I guess for today you can call my Pollyanna.
http://james4america.wordpress.com/2011/02/02/obamacare-views-from-a-young-doctor/#comment-24871

Personality Test

I was listening to a seminar on line today. During the course of the presentation, she mentioned "personalities". I thought I wonder if there are any free personality tests to take on line. What is my personality?  (Okay, I have an idea but like validation!)

I found one http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp  and took the test. Skeptically of course, as I do with much of my life. Of course I kept wondering if they were going to charge me at the end to get the results. However, no charge just an evaluation of my personality based on answering the questions honestly. WOW did they nail me! I was amazed.

It helped me understand myself a little better and understand the ups and downs in life that I experience. If you would like to share your experience, I would love to hear your feedback.

The seminar I listened today was presented by my close friend's daughter. She spoke on  Authenticity. A favorite topic of mine. He mom first introduced the word to me a while back.  I began to hear the word more, looked it up, trying to decide what it meant to me. I wrote my feelings about the word in one of my past blogs.  So listening to Susanne was a special treat for me and offered me more insights.

I included her site: http://thesinglesgym.com/  It offers some free advice and also coaching, counseling, or group participation for a fee.

I was about to write a closing when an old childhood game came to mind and I decided to share it with you, somehow it felt right to share.

There was a game I played when we I was a kid. It was called Giant Step you would ask the leader if you could take a step and the leader would say if you could take a giant step or a baby step. The goal was to become the leader by taking steps forward and sometimes backward. It all depended on the leaders generosity and choices. However in the game of your life you are the leader, you decide the type of step to take to achieve your goal.  

That's all for today. Whoever you discover you are, love and accept yourself and believe with all your heart in your possibilities. I wish you self knowledge today and insight into where you are going and the joy of becoming all you are meant to be with His grace. 

God Bless, 
Shashana

Surviving a Narcissist

A friend shared the following site with me:  http://www.lisaescott.com/
It is about dating a Narcissist. Who me??? Well after reading through the site, I realized I have dated a few. Here I am again asking myself why do I make these choices?
In thinking about that question I realized I have grown. When I see unacceptable behaviour or a few red flags, I pay attention. My radar is switched on, my history books aka journals come out and I begin to write, consider, meditate, share with friends and try to discover what action is needed on my part.
Since I am a pro at reflection on my choices in men I can laugh at myself when I am once again thinking about a situation. I have only been married one time, however engaged to quite a few men. The movie Runaway Bride starring Julia Roberts is one of my favorites. Sometimes I describe myself as commitment phobic, other times I think just terrified of getting hurt.
Then I laugh and say to myself,  sweetie they are not knocking down your door, there is no one in the wings waiting for you to be hot to trot.
As I approach the golden years, the only thing golden being the blond highlights in my hair. I ponder how younger people view us older folk. Do they realize that even though the body looks old, the mind is still young and mentally a teenager inside the old plump, greying haired body. A plucked chin hair the other day was white!
Soooo..... would I accept a narcissist in my life? I truly hope not! I have learned never to say never since fate sometimes makes a fool out of my defiant personality.
The bottom line, no one is perfect, and after reading thru the site, I remembered someone in my life that fit the criteria and at the time quickly ended the relationship. I didn't label him then, but now I can. Narcissist!
I still in my heart hold out hope for Prince Charming to come along.
However, in the meantime, there is a quasi boyfriend in my life, we were once hot lovers and now, well now it is a hug, a laugh, a meal shared, We listen and share our aging experiences, which keeps us laughing a lot. We are both on Plenty of Fish, a free on line dating site. We share our experiences, mostly rejection, from anyone that appears interesting.
We occasionally talk about living together in our old age, a duplex, we say. We know it would be impossible for us to live under the same roof. We are too different and set in our ways. We enjoy spending time together when we are feeling lonely. Do I consider him Narcissistic? A little bit, but then again don't we all have a bit of narcissism in each of us?