Authenticity

"Genuine", "Real" are words in the dictionary that describes Authenticity.
A friend and I were talking today about being our authentic selves. We agreed we were at a time in our life were being real and finding our passion was something that is a priority in our lives. It was wonderful meeting and connecting with a kindred spirit.
We were like two kids who found a playmate that wanted to play the same game.
We found joy in our conversation, empathy for each other and those like us.
Support for our ideas and desires, a realization that more is to be revealed.
Enthusiasm is so easy to spark when someone believes in you. Your ideas may be a fantasy, your funds limited, but YOU are you. Undeniably, unequivocally you. A perfectly imperfect human being with a seeds of joy, inspiration, creativity ready to bloom.  Amazingly, a small green sprig appears, from its protective covering and bit by bit with TLC it blooms.
Someone believed you could, someone believed you would. Then you believed it too.
Many of us are like cactus, existing in a dry arid dessert without much nourishment yet still bloom beautifully.
Others need more, they are the ones who may have been damaged early in their life and therefore require a bit more care to grow.
So we become a nurturer or the nurtured, sometimes alternating roles with those that come and go in our lives.
We evolve from being survivors into our AUTHENTIC self.
We are no longer worried what people think of us, we know who we are, we believe in ourselves, we learn to re-parent our inner child in a supportive and generous way.
Life is good. We accept the bumps in the road knowing we will get past them.
We understand each day is unpredictable so we embrace the moments and people on our journey in the moment. We live life like each day is our last. We are sensible yet carefree, our life lessons help us to achieve and maintain balance.
Authenticity, is a gift we are given, embrace it.
Keep in mind there are many who don't like authenticity, they are threatened by it, and may try to destroy what they don't understand.
Stand steadfast, serve your dignity, live with integrity, honesty, compassion, be open to all the joyful possibilities that believing in yourself brings to you each day and always remain your authentic self.
Namaste

Prosperity Corner

I recently read Clearing The Clutter with Feng Shui and was telling a friend about the book. She did Feng Shui many years ago. She suggested I take something I value and put it in my prosperity corner. Recently I purchased a set of Tingsha Bells an extravagance during a time of austerity. However I intuitively felt it was the right thing. I love clearing the energy in a room with them or just enjoying the sound they produce. The bells were something I valued so I placed them on the table in my prosperity corner of the house.
The following week I got a call regarding a resume I had sent out a few months prior and was offered a job that I accepted. Great pay, good hours and I have the opportunity to help others.
My heart and head reminded me that trusting the direction someone gave me and being willing to open my mind to the possibilities can have its rewards. My negativity can defeat me at times.
Tonight, I was checking my blog to make sure it worked, because sometimes I cant log onto the site and although tired felt the need to write something.
I was amazed once again at the time that passed since I last made a post.
I decided to share briefly about the gift I was given. There is an irony....it is now that I am working, I have little time for blogging. :-)
Balance, not an easy thing for me to find in my life, but tonight I got a little closer to the middle road of life. God bless you all.
Namaste, Shashana

Something New

Hi! I have added a playlist of a few of my favorite songs. I set it up as a seperate page so you are free to click on it and listen or just read the post.
Life has been busy, still seeking employment. With not working hardly at all, it seems I would be getting much more accomplished. Days fly by and then its weeks. August is closer to the holidays then June which felt like I was there only yesterday.
I did read a book "Clearing Out The Clutter with Feng Shui" it was an eyeopener and I have spent time letting go and clearing out things that are taking space and robbing me of good energy. My friend Else (http://karunasreflections.blogspot.com)gave so unselfishly of herself to help me organize and let go and motivate me to clear the clutter and bring in new energy. I could not have done it without her support. So if you are planning on doing it, get a buddy that has positive energy and ask her to help and encourage you.
Still much more to do and sometimes I get overwhelmed and then paralyzed about letting things go or selling them. In my head the forever "what if I need it" screams to survive. I read when we THINK we need it, we will. If we THINK we wont need it we won't. Interesting theory, I will let you know if I find it accurate. :-)
Anyway I have spent much of my time today figuring how to put the playlist in this blog. Somehow I messed up the password and could not access my blog. Which if you were a fly on my wall today you would have needed earplugs from the profanity that spewed from my usual angelic mouth. Well on occasion angelic mouth. LOL
It was a catharsis and actually I felt better in the end, since I vented quite a bit of frustration.
It helps to clear out the cobwebs in the patience part of the brain. A good shock to it with impatience can be good for it, don't you think?
I do hope you enjoy my initial selections.
Have a great day all.
Shashana

Serving Your Dignity

A friend many years ago told me to "always serve your dignity". She was referring to a job I had where the boss was abusive to me. When someone treated her disrespectfully she always walked. Even if finances were tenuous she walked. Shock and amazement were often my thoughts watching her make that decision. Funny thing, she always ended up on her feet and with usually something better.
I began to emulate her and found that God doesn't want me to be abused and he will provide something else IF I trust Him.
Now I am older, more scared, less flighty and worry more about finances and finding a job. When you are middle-aged and a bit over weight it is not easy finding employment. Especially with jobs so scarce. So as my one girlfriend always says, "suck it up and just do it" I tried my best.
This last weekend I lost it, and reported my boss to the ethical hotline for our corporation. She admitted she was nitpicking me and going to continue to nit pick at me becasue I was nit picking at the hours. What she defined as nitpicking, I defined as standing up for myself and not being taken advantage of.
Our hours were 11-5:45 with 2 ten minute breaks and half hour for lunch.
She made it impossible for us to take our morning break,and then wanted us to stay late cleaning up without getting paid. She has had many people call and complain about her tactics.
This weekend I left a minute early, (of course the fact I come in ten minutes early and start to work didn't count) I said to her when she confronted me,I was tired of her nitpicking. Her response was I am going to nitpick you because you nitpick about hours. I responded "so this is retaliation?" She denied it. "What is it?" I asked. She didnt answer. A few more words were exchanged and she said she was writing me up and I told her I was writing her up too. I did.
We have an ethics report line at work. I don't know if anything will come of it. I have no hours scheduled and will lose income if she doesn't put me on the calendar to work. However I served my dignity and have my integrity.
The next day I sent out three resumes. I have been trying to get a job since she railroaded my old boss out of her job. I usually don't even get a call back. Yesterday I got two calls and I have an interview the end of the week.
I smiled, as I thought, when I am willing to let go and serve my dignity, good things happen.

Hello Again

It has been a while since I wrote something. I have been busy, work, photography, and learning about me and my relationship with God.
Funny how life happens. The old boyfriend who I did not trust was gone. I thought about the boyfriend I had spent several years with and what an honest person he was and I wished he was in my life. A friend suggested I put a specific list of what I wanted in a man in my God box and I did. Except for a few things he fit what I wanted. I heard he was dating someone through a mutual acquaintance. I was not ready to start another relationship. Sometimes OUR plans and Gods are so different.
My son sent me a new phone and I had to re-enter all the numbers. I looked at Ed's number and thought should I put it in. I had heard he had a new girlfriend but knew if I ever needed to talk to him he would listen. So I put the # in my new phone.
I finished at the W's and put the phone down on my desk. I was reading the instructions and I heard a noise. I looked up and the phone was dialing someone, I looked at the name, ED. I tried to shut it off quickly. A few moments later it rang, it was Ed. He asked if I called and I mumbled inadvertently. Awkward pause and then I asked how he was doing. I mentioned I heard he had a new girlfriend. He didnt and wanted to know who told me that. I laughed, I do that often when I am with him.
He had gotten a computer and was learning how to use it. In the past he had done so much for me I jumped at the chance to give back. Thus it began, again.
When you are apart for almost a year you have time to think and reflect. It was like finding a pair of your favorite old slippers in the closet. You forgot how comfortable they were and how good they felt. It was like no time has passed and we comfortably started dating again. Nothing is perfect, there are differences but more importantly there is honesty, caring and mutual respect.
We kid that his momma made that phone ring, she knew how much I cared about him.
I never touched the phone, but I am grateful and happy that the powers that be knew we were a good fit and we could appreciate each other once again.

A Leopard Doesn't Change It's Spot's

The title of this blog today is about trusting your instincts and what you know to be true in spite of what your heart wants. Its also about a book that has been an important part of my life for many years.
HOW TO SURVIVE THE LOSS OF A LOVE. Here is a link if you want to order it.
The book has been a wonderful source of comfort over the years during all kinds of losses. Yesterday I picked it up again.
That old boyfriend that returned is now out of the picture. I think somewhere in the book it tells you, one can never go back. Now and again you forget common sense and decide with only your heart. I was feeling really sad yesterday, sad about the loss of phone calls, plans,affection etc. It ended because he lies. I knew this, but he was very convincing that he had changed.
There was a lot of drama that happened before the end, some of it mine, some his, some a third party. The decision was a no brainer. But tell that to the heart or the little girl inside me that was happy to have someone to dance with and feel like prince charming had returned.
Letting go of the dream, is more difficult then letting go of the man. I have friends that encourage me to feel the feelings, the anger, denial, bargaining and ultimately acceptance.
We only dated a month. I thought to myself this grieving feels huge and realized it was about all the losses in my life not just him.
I took the time to smudge the house yesterday and asked for any negative energy to leave and held him in my thoughts for a good life journey.
I read some pages from a meditation book and then picked up my old favorite, How to Survive the Loss of a Love. I felt calm and peaceful.
Today I had some feelings that made me sad, and I picked up the Surviving book and opened to a page. There was a poem
First I have to get out of love with you
Second I have to remember
Dont fall until you see the whites of their lies
I smiled, God was talking to me again, comforting me, validating my decision.
It will take time. This last month, healthy boudaries were set, red flags were recognized, and esteemable acts continued, as I gratefully listened to those that care about me with an open heart.
The passing of the feelings of loss will move quickly. There was not a big investment since I was cautiously optimistic. However, the longing for someone to share my life with was awakened by my relationship and that will be my lesson.

Relationships

Relationships are difficult. The author, Scott M. Peck, has for the first line in one of his books "life is difficult" I understand those words. I also believe we create some of our own difficult situations.
I seem to handle life when alone with a positive attitude, most days. :-) I have moments where I would like someone to go to dinner with, cuddle or go dancing. Mostly, I feel I have a good balance in my life when alone; work, photography, friends etc.
Recently I began dating an old boyfriend again. I don't like who I become when dating. Maybe it's because we had a romantic relationship in the past. How do you go back to just being friends till you see if the romantic part could be rekindled? I feel romantic feelings, but the past makes me guarded. I was telling an old friend about the way I felt, her wise words to me were:
It seems like it would be easy to have a fun relationship as long as you don’t try to make the guy own your ideas. Everyone is entitled to their way of life even if it doesn’t agree with yours.
I loved that, I read it to him, he loved it. Ahhhh now the hard part, to practice it in my life on a daily basis.
It appears to me I am in "fall down seven times, get up eight" mode.
Living life on life's terms is not always easy, the rewards however are like new branches forming on an old tree. With time they will bloom and flower and maybe learning life lessons will be welcomed and not feared.

Good Morning World

Forgive me for my last post, I know it was long, I just needed to vent and thank you for listening. I went into Goodwill last week and we caught each others eye and it appeared a truce was in the process. I did not pursue reporting it and I sensed she appreciated no backlash. Sometimes we have to just ask ourselves "how important is it?" We don't know what is happening in another person's life at that moment.
I had an old friend call me recently wanting to reconnect. We did and spent some time together. It was fun and good and I had hopes that the friendship might develop into something more. However, we are both strong willed people and opinionated. I am a communicator, very few of the opposite sex find that appealing. My perspective is if something is wrong lets talk about it. They on the other hand retreat into the cave of silence. I just thought of Maxwell Smart and the cone of silence. Cave, cone, they retreat! :-)
I am not a mind reader, admittedly sometimes I think I am, my ego can really get carried away with itself at times. :-)
I guess what I dislike most is someone punishing me by not talking about what is happening. Not wanting to sort it out. How can something be resolved without honesty, open mindedness and willingness?
Today I have no answers, just disappointment. Life is going to have its up and downs and I need to trust my God for the outcome. He never fails me and with every sitiuation I need to look for the lessons and ask God to help me learn it, then practice what I learned and become what he wants me to be.
Oh I can talk it so good, its the walking it that takes the most effort.
Thanks for listening to my thoughts. Life is so much easier when shared.

Shopping at Goodwill

One of my favorite places to visit is Goodwill on Wednesday's. Seniors get a 25% discount. I usually look at picture frames for my photos. This day, I wandered over to the books. Lord knows, I dont need any more books!!

As I browsed through my eyes found Mind Magic by Marc Lemezma
I always liked Magic books, when I was young a favorite stop with my dad was a Magic Shop in Freeport, NY. The book I held was sadly mistreated.

When you opened the book the inside cover was missing part of the face page along the edge.

This was not a concern,I was interested in the content, which was intact.

Goodwill charges $2.49 for hardbacks .I was sure they would work with me on the price. The cashier, a new face the last few weeks, was unwilling to negotiate. After looking at it, she threw it to the side. Clearly she was not a book lover!
I picked it up and said I want to speak with a manager. Annoyed, she advised me the manager would return in ten minutes. "I'll wait!" Which made her seem to develop an attitude of contempt for me.
I paid for my other items, as the shift manager returned. Before I could talk to her the cashier whispered something, the shift manager looked up and said $1.99.
Did you look at the book? She glanced down, "yes, $1.99". The cashier smirking says "do you want it?" "Not at the moment" and she is ready to dismiss me. "What I do want is my $13 change from the $20 I just gave you."
I decide to see if there is a real manager in the back, a kind looking woman was walking by as I opened the swinging door. She asked if she could help, I showed her the book and she says "that shouldn't be on the shelf in that condition!"
I offer to pay ninety nine cents for it, she smiles and marks it .89 At last, someone who agreed the book was not worth $2.49 or $1.99.
I walk back to the registers. The cashier from earlier, turned to the other cashier and said loudly, "she has a book that is $1.99, that's the price!
What is her problem, I am feeling attacked.
I smile and said "the manager in the back gave it to me for 89 cents." She glares at me like I was a thief or a liar. The shift supervisor proclaims there is no manager in the back and calls me over to her line.
Am I shopping at Goodwill? There is no good will in Goodwill today.
The young shift manager checked me out and I whispered "what is her problem?" as I cocked my head toward the mean spirited cashier. I added "I doubt if you would have made it $1.99 without her whispering to you."
She denied it, but I believe there was some colusion involved in the situation. The cashier overheard my question, and loudly asked "What did you say?" I felt threatened at that moment, she looked like Wonder Woman, tall and strong,I felt like she wanted to hit me. I didn't now Goodwill hired bullies.
Clearly she had some issues with me. This was not the first time she was disrespectful to me. I wondered if it was me or if others had experienced her wrath?
I took her name. After this I will write a letter to Goodwill, include the photos and hopefully they will live up to their name next time I shop there and maybe offer some customer service or anger management classes to the cashier.
Thanks for listening!

Bargain Retirement HA!

My attention was captured by a yahoo post by Forbes for bargain retirement spots with affordable homes and great cities. Article at link below.
http://www.forbes.com/2011/01/10/best-places-for-bargain-retirement-homes-personal-finance.html
As I read the comments, many thought the writer was in La La land, regarding the places she thought affordable.
The comments reflected feelings of people across the country. Many were Floridians who were happy in FL and others wanting out. Some comments suggested "truly" affordable places.
Of course I added my 2 cents to the comments. Why, because I am frustrated.
I am insurance poor! I spend about $650+ a MONTH to pay for various insurances. Homeowners, flood, car and health insurance.
I have to work. Would I like to travel, visit family, get out of FL in the summer and return in the winter, HELL YES! Well its not happenin' Why, because I like having the security of knowing if something happens, I will be reimbursed.
Friends of mine don't carry insurance, they just depend on the government to meet thier needs. God bless, I may get to that place. In 2012 I can apply for medicare, I hope! With the changes in government one never knows what could happen.
So Mr Forbes, I am tired of being excluded from articles, tv shows, advertisements, that all decide what is affordable. I am not financially comfortable based on Forbes definition which is a portfolio of $500,000. Hmmmm, I am back to thinking buy a lottery ticket. :-)
Consider us, offer an article that encompasses not only those with adequate incomes, but those of us just getting by that would enjoy having other truly affordable options.
If you are reading this and have found your version of Shangra-la and feel it fits those with limited incomes, maybe includes some cultural opportunities, classes to take that discount or allow seniors to audit etc. Post it on my blog and the Forbes article too. Someone has to let people know that there are options for the growing baby boomer population that took a hit in the market or just didn't save enough to cover rising costs in their golden years. Now, if I had bought gold...this would be my golden years!

Simple Pleasures

I was in the downtown area near where I live and I walked down to the riverwalk area with my camera.
As I was contemplating a shot this squirrel came running up to me. I was surprised at the lack of fear it had for a person. I said may I take your picture and she seemed to pose for the camera. This was one of about four shots that were precious. It made me smile and added joy to my day. Just another simple pleasure in life.

Word Warriors

I got this from a friend today and thought it was worth sharing. Techies can appreciate the humor and the play  on words. If you smile or chuckle, then I feel I have touched a life in some small way. I had to turn the sound up on my computer to hear it better.

My Blackberry Isnt Working

The Buddhist Way

I had lunch today with a dear friend. We met at Chipotles, we have one that just opened nearby. I think this is one of the best restaurants around.
While we were sitting outside at a table, a bug flew under my chin, I swiped at it and it disappeared. I don't like bugs, on me or near me.  A few minutes later I felt like something was crawling in my bra. As I looked down into my blouse there was a bug crawling on my breast. Of course, I jumped, let out a yelp, shook my blouse and it seemed to have fallen out the bottom of my bra. Surprise, I still had the crawling sensation. Looking down again there it was, it was not giving up.  I reached down with my fingers to get it and it bit me as I propelled it out of my bra. My friend announced "you got it!" and pointed to where it landed.
I was busy rubbing my bitten finger and glanced down at it crawling across the pavement. After a few moments contemplation, I stood up and smashed it with my foot, no way was it going to do that to anyone else. Premeditated bug murderer, shame on me.
Now I had guilt as I looked at the dead bug, I remembered being in a room full of Buddhists many years ago. One of their precepts is not to take the life of anything living. Many, watched as the spider crawled across the floor under rows of chairs with people sitting in them. One girl, not a Buddhist, killed it. There was a collective gasp! The girl that killed the spider was a row ahead of me and I was grateful I didn't have to worry about it crawling on me.
Today, remembering their philosophy, guilt ruled my impulsive act. 
As I sat there, staring at the dead bug, I thought of reincarnation and wondered if I killed somebody I knew. I said to my friend, you know, I had an ex fiance who passed away many years ago and he loved that part of my body, I hope it wasn't Brian.The laughter began.....

Another Cold Day in Paradise

Getting out of bed was not easy, I wondered if my heat was working. I turned on the TV while under the covers and they reported warmer today. Temps in the 40's with windchill factor equaling high 30's.  Later today, it will be in the high 50's yippeee! Of course the day I work, will be warm and breezy. My God has a sense of humor.
I do want you to know I did accomplish some things yesterday after writing my post. I went through two containers of paperwork and the shredding box is full. Progress not perfection. Letting go of paperwork leaves you thinking what if the IRS one day decides to question a deduction from ten years ago? Or, if I sell the house I need to show them the electric and tax bills since I moved in the house seventeen years ago.  Yes, I do have a propensity toward hoarding but I am changing. I am telling myself that those thoughts are not realistic. I am happy to report the shredding box is full.

There is one box of papers I put to the side. That one says old personal stuff.  I opened it and found a picture of my son when he was about 6 years old. A few tears rolled down my cheeks as I wondered how the time seemed to pass so fast, he is 39 now.  I put the box gently aside and thought another day for this one.

I think that is what happens for people who save "stuff". There is an emotional connection that makes you feel if you let go of the item you are not being loyal to the person that is associated with whatever possession you donate,sell or discard.
A woman on a show one day shared her solution, which was to videotape certain possessions in her house and tell a little story about each one before she let it go. I liked that idea. Then, you always have the memory and if you make it into a compressed video file that they can view on thier IPod, so will they! :-)
Hope you all have a wonderful day,
Shashana

When There Is No Work

I work part time for a company that depends on manufacturers to order events for their products to be demonstrated in a store. Normally I work three days a week, which is not quite enough to meet my needs, but helps pay the bills. However, this week twice the mfg cancelled the event.
First thought, financial insecurity (negative thought)  pops into my mind immediately, The second thought (positive one) how can I use this time constructively?
Clean the house? Clean the garage? Clean my office room (really needs it) or go back to bed and stop shivering?
I live in FL and it is COLD outside. I sit here in my sweat pants and sweat shirt thinking of all the things I could do. If ONLY it was warm outside. Somehow cold weather freezes my thought process and all I can think of is turning on the oven to bake (warmth) and making a nice hot soup to warm my innards.
I told my good friend of my lack of initiative, she is one of those people that doesnt stop from the time she gets up till she gets into bed at midnight. :-) She says to me "just do it" dont think about it, just do it! I can tell she is frustrated with me.
Today I hear her words, as I think what should I do? I am a thinker, not a good doer! Now I am thinking, I should have named the blog  "the just do it" site! So now I am thinking is thier a just do it site? So of course I have to Google the name and yes there is and  it belongs to Nike. Another 5 minutes of my day wasted.
This is how my days go when I am not working. One thought leads to another, I follow that thought which leads to another and before you know it the day is gone.  :-) In my defense, when it is good weather outside and the windows are open, the breezes blowing, I am busy doing, going and accomplishing. When its cold, I am useless.
So I need to stop typing and attempt to accomplish something on my TO DO list (a long one)! 
I wish you all a great day. If you are having a brain freeze, put on a hat, look at your list of things to do and pick one, then tell yourself. JUST DO IT!!
Maybe tomorrow I will share with you if I was able to walk my talk.
Shashana

Social Media Debate

I remember the first time my son introduced me to Facebook. I had lots of questions, especially regarding privacy. Months later I ventured on and created my own page. It was a delightful experience as I learned how to navigate my way around and see what my son, grand kids and friends were doing in their lives. Most of them seemed to be playing a farm game. I asked my granddaughter to teach me and I got a rolling of the eyes look and no offer to teach me.  Admittedly I had hurt feelings. I wanted a different response. especially since I spent years teaching her to bake cookies and gave driving lessons when she visited. She is the youngest of three and the least patient with me.
Sorry, I digressed from the main point. :-)
I belong to a writers group, who recently moved our meeting information from  Meetup to Facebook. Ir was a good financial decision. However, one of our members strongly objected to this form of communication. He conveyed his feelings in an interesting email stating the pitfalls of the new social media revolution and the losing of our privacy in ways most of us are unaware exist. He felt the founder of Facebook was a brat and lacked empathy for people's privacy. He went on to express he felt the young mans main concern was for monetary gain and  notoriety.
I felt some of what he presented had merit, especially regarding the loss of privacy. While some of what he expressed seemed to me to be an unwillingness to embrace change.
The best part was the interesting discourse between the member and our leader. Sharing thoughts and feelings in a intellectual and eloquent manner.
Our privacy not only on  Facebook but in so many other areas is being compromised daily if not hourly.
What are our options?
How do you feel that so much of our personal information is out there?
Is there a solution or is it just about acceptance?

First Post

During daily life we all come upon injustices, funny situations, someone needing assistance,  or just an unrealized awareness that may change your thinking or perceptions.
Sharing thoughts, encourages dialog which I enjoy. I like the old saying when the student is ready the teacher will appear. Most days I am the student, sometimes the teacher. Wherever my journey takes me is what my role is for that moment or day.
Knowing yourself is a great gift, it makes you aware of your strengths and weaknesses. One of my weaknesses is being a procrastinator. My plan at this moment is to post at least one time a week, more often if the spirit moves me.   :-)
Have a great day, need to go to work, we will talk about that another day.

Shashana