The title of this blog today is about trusting your instincts and what you know to be true in spite of what your heart wants. Its also about a book that has been an important part of my life for many years.
HOW TO SURVIVE THE LOSS OF A LOVE. Here is a link if you want to order it.
The book has been a wonderful source of comfort over the years during all kinds of losses. Yesterday I picked it up again.
That old boyfriend that returned is now out of the picture. I think somewhere in the book it tells you, one can never go back. Now and again you forget common sense and decide with only your heart. I was feeling really sad yesterday, sad about the loss of phone calls, plans,affection etc. It ended because he lies. I knew this, but he was very convincing that he had changed.
There was a lot of drama that happened before the end, some of it mine, some his, some a third party. The decision was a no brainer. But tell that to the heart or the little girl inside me that was happy to have someone to dance with and feel like prince charming had returned.
Letting go of the dream, is more difficult then letting go of the man. I have friends that encourage me to feel the feelings, the anger, denial, bargaining and ultimately acceptance.
We only dated a month. I thought to myself this grieving feels huge and realized it was about all the losses in my life not just him.
I took the time to smudge the house yesterday and asked for any negative energy to leave and held him in my thoughts for a good life journey.
I read some pages from a meditation book and then picked up my old favorite, How to Survive the Loss of a Love. I felt calm and peaceful.
Today I had some feelings that made me sad, and I picked up the Surviving book and opened to a page. There was a poem
First I have to get out of love with you
Second I have to remember
Dont fall until you see the whites of their lies
I smiled, God was talking to me again, comforting me, validating my decision.
It will take time. This last month, healthy boudaries were set, red flags were recognized, and esteemable acts continued, as I gratefully listened to those that care about me with an open heart.
The passing of the feelings of loss will move quickly. There was not a big investment since I was cautiously optimistic. However, the longing for someone to share my life with was awakened by my relationship and that will be my lesson.
Fall In Virginia
Visiting Virginia in the fall and the colors so vibrant. I need to leave Florida more often!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Relationships
Relationships are difficult. The author, Scott M. Peck, has for the first line in one of his books "life is difficult" I understand those words. I also believe we create some of our own difficult situations.
I seem to handle life when alone with a positive attitude, most days. :-) I have moments where I would like someone to go to dinner with, cuddle or go dancing. Mostly, I feel I have a good balance in my life when alone; work, photography, friends etc.
Recently I began dating an old boyfriend again. I don't like who I become when dating. Maybe it's because we had a romantic relationship in the past. How do you go back to just being friends till you see if the romantic part could be rekindled? I feel romantic feelings, but the past makes me guarded. I was telling an old friend about the way I felt, her wise words to me were:
It seems like it would be easy to have a fun relationship as long as you don’t try to make the guy own your ideas. Everyone is entitled to their way of life even if it doesn’t agree with yours.
I loved that, I read it to him, he loved it. Ahhhh now the hard part, to practice it in my life on a daily basis.
It appears to me I am in "fall down seven times, get up eight" mode.
Living life on life's terms is not always easy, the rewards however are like new branches forming on an old tree. With time they will bloom and flower and maybe learning life lessons will be welcomed and not feared.
I seem to handle life when alone with a positive attitude, most days. :-) I have moments where I would like someone to go to dinner with, cuddle or go dancing. Mostly, I feel I have a good balance in my life when alone; work, photography, friends etc.
Recently I began dating an old boyfriend again. I don't like who I become when dating. Maybe it's because we had a romantic relationship in the past. How do you go back to just being friends till you see if the romantic part could be rekindled? I feel romantic feelings, but the past makes me guarded. I was telling an old friend about the way I felt, her wise words to me were:
It seems like it would be easy to have a fun relationship as long as you don’t try to make the guy own your ideas. Everyone is entitled to their way of life even if it doesn’t agree with yours.
I loved that, I read it to him, he loved it. Ahhhh now the hard part, to practice it in my life on a daily basis.
It appears to me I am in "fall down seven times, get up eight" mode.
Living life on life's terms is not always easy, the rewards however are like new branches forming on an old tree. With time they will bloom and flower and maybe learning life lessons will be welcomed and not feared.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Good Morning World
Forgive me for my last post, I know it was long, I just needed to vent and thank you for listening. I went into Goodwill last week and we caught each others eye and it appeared a truce was in the process. I did not pursue reporting it and I sensed she appreciated no backlash. Sometimes we have to just ask ourselves "how important is it?" We don't know what is happening in another person's life at that moment.
I had an old friend call me recently wanting to reconnect. We did and spent some time together. It was fun and good and I had hopes that the friendship might develop into something more. However, we are both strong willed people and opinionated. I am a communicator, very few of the opposite sex find that appealing. My perspective is if something is wrong lets talk about it. They on the other hand retreat into the cave of silence. I just thought of Maxwell Smart and the cone of silence. Cave, cone, they retreat! :-)
I am not a mind reader, admittedly sometimes I think I am, my ego can really get carried away with itself at times. :-)
I guess what I dislike most is someone punishing me by not talking about what is happening. Not wanting to sort it out. How can something be resolved without honesty, open mindedness and willingness?
Today I have no answers, just disappointment. Life is going to have its up and downs and I need to trust my God for the outcome. He never fails me and with every sitiuation I need to look for the lessons and ask God to help me learn it, then practice what I learned and become what he wants me to be.
Oh I can talk it so good, its the walking it that takes the most effort.
Thanks for listening to my thoughts. Life is so much easier when shared.
I had an old friend call me recently wanting to reconnect. We did and spent some time together. It was fun and good and I had hopes that the friendship might develop into something more. However, we are both strong willed people and opinionated. I am a communicator, very few of the opposite sex find that appealing. My perspective is if something is wrong lets talk about it. They on the other hand retreat into the cave of silence. I just thought of Maxwell Smart and the cone of silence. Cave, cone, they retreat! :-)
I am not a mind reader, admittedly sometimes I think I am, my ego can really get carried away with itself at times. :-)
I guess what I dislike most is someone punishing me by not talking about what is happening. Not wanting to sort it out. How can something be resolved without honesty, open mindedness and willingness?
Today I have no answers, just disappointment. Life is going to have its up and downs and I need to trust my God for the outcome. He never fails me and with every sitiuation I need to look for the lessons and ask God to help me learn it, then practice what I learned and become what he wants me to be.
Oh I can talk it so good, its the walking it that takes the most effort.
Thanks for listening to my thoughts. Life is so much easier when shared.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Shopping at Goodwill
One of my favorite places to visit is Goodwill on Wednesday's. Seniors get a 25% discount. I usually look at picture frames for my photos. This day, I wandered over to the books. Lord knows, I dont need any more books!!
As I browsed through my eyes found Mind Magic by Marc Lemezma
I always liked Magic books, when I was young a favorite stop with my dad was a Magic Shop in Freeport, NY. The book I held was sadly mistreated.
When you opened the book the inside cover was missing part of the face page along the edge.
This was not a concern,I was interested in the content, which was intact.
Goodwill charges $2.49 for hardbacks .I was sure they would work with me on the price. The cashier, a new face the last few weeks, was unwilling to negotiate. After looking at it, she threw it to the side. Clearly she was not a book lover!
I picked it up and said I want to speak with a manager. Annoyed, she advised me the manager would return in ten minutes. "I'll wait!" Which made her seem to develop an attitude of contempt for me.
I paid for my other items, as the shift manager returned. Before I could talk to her the cashier whispered something, the shift manager looked up and said $1.99.
Did you look at the book? She glanced down, "yes, $1.99". The cashier smirking says "do you want it?" "Not at the moment" and she is ready to dismiss me. "What I do want is my $13 change from the $20 I just gave you."
I decide to see if there is a real manager in the back, a kind looking woman was walking by as I opened the swinging door. She asked if she could help, I showed her the book and she says "that shouldn't be on the shelf in that condition!"
I offer to pay ninety nine cents for it, she smiles and marks it .89 At last, someone who agreed the book was not worth $2.49 or $1.99.
I walk back to the registers. The cashier from earlier, turned to the other cashier and said loudly, "she has a book that is $1.99, that's the price!
What is her problem, I am feeling attacked.
I smile and said "the manager in the back gave it to me for 89 cents." She glares at me like I was a thief or a liar. The shift supervisor proclaims there is no manager in the back and calls me over to her line.
Am I shopping at Goodwill? There is no good will in Goodwill today.
The young shift manager checked me out and I whispered "what is her problem?" as I cocked my head toward the mean spirited cashier. I added "I doubt if you would have made it $1.99 without her whispering to you."
She denied it, but I believe there was some colusion involved in the situation. The cashier overheard my question, and loudly asked "What did you say?" I felt threatened at that moment, she looked like Wonder Woman, tall and strong,I felt like she wanted to hit me. I didn't now Goodwill hired bullies.
Clearly she had some issues with me. This was not the first time she was disrespectful to me. I wondered if it was me or if others had experienced her wrath?
I took her name. After this I will write a letter to Goodwill, include the photos and hopefully they will live up to their name next time I shop there and maybe offer some customer service or anger management classes to the cashier.
Thanks for listening!
As I browsed through my eyes found Mind Magic by Marc Lemezma
I always liked Magic books, when I was young a favorite stop with my dad was a Magic Shop in Freeport, NY. The book I held was sadly mistreated.
When you opened the book the inside cover was missing part of the face page along the edge.
Goodwill charges $2.49 for hardbacks .I was sure they would work with me on the price. The cashier, a new face the last few weeks, was unwilling to negotiate. After looking at it, she threw it to the side. Clearly she was not a book lover!
I picked it up and said I want to speak with a manager. Annoyed, she advised me the manager would return in ten minutes. "I'll wait!" Which made her seem to develop an attitude of contempt for me.
I paid for my other items, as the shift manager returned. Before I could talk to her the cashier whispered something, the shift manager looked up and said $1.99.
Did you look at the book? She glanced down, "yes, $1.99". The cashier smirking says "do you want it?" "Not at the moment" and she is ready to dismiss me. "What I do want is my $13 change from the $20 I just gave you."
I decide to see if there is a real manager in the back, a kind looking woman was walking by as I opened the swinging door. She asked if she could help, I showed her the book and she says "that shouldn't be on the shelf in that condition!"
I offer to pay ninety nine cents for it, she smiles and marks it .89 At last, someone who agreed the book was not worth $2.49 or $1.99.
I walk back to the registers. The cashier from earlier, turned to the other cashier and said loudly, "she has a book that is $1.99, that's the price!
What is her problem, I am feeling attacked.
I smile and said "the manager in the back gave it to me for 89 cents." She glares at me like I was a thief or a liar. The shift supervisor proclaims there is no manager in the back and calls me over to her line.
Am I shopping at Goodwill? There is no good will in Goodwill today.
The young shift manager checked me out and I whispered "what is her problem?" as I cocked my head toward the mean spirited cashier. I added "I doubt if you would have made it $1.99 without her whispering to you."
She denied it, but I believe there was some colusion involved in the situation. The cashier overheard my question, and loudly asked "What did you say?" I felt threatened at that moment, she looked like Wonder Woman, tall and strong,I felt like she wanted to hit me. I didn't now Goodwill hired bullies.
Clearly she had some issues with me. This was not the first time she was disrespectful to me. I wondered if it was me or if others had experienced her wrath?
I took her name. After this I will write a letter to Goodwill, include the photos and hopefully they will live up to their name next time I shop there and maybe offer some customer service or anger management classes to the cashier.
Thanks for listening!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Bargain Retirement HA!
My attention was captured by a yahoo post by Forbes for bargain retirement spots with affordable homes and great cities. Article at link below.
http://www.forbes.com/2011/01/10/best-places-for-bargain-retirement-homes-personal-finance.html
As I read the comments, many thought the writer was in La La land, regarding the places she thought affordable.
The comments reflected feelings of people across the country. Many were Floridians who were happy in FL and others wanting out. Some comments suggested "truly" affordable places.
Of course I added my 2 cents to the comments. Why, because I am frustrated.
I am insurance poor! I spend about $650+ a MONTH to pay for various insurances. Homeowners, flood, car and health insurance.
I have to work. Would I like to travel, visit family, get out of FL in the summer and return in the winter, HELL YES! Well its not happenin' Why, because I like having the security of knowing if something happens, I will be reimbursed.
Friends of mine don't carry insurance, they just depend on the government to meet thier needs. God bless, I may get to that place. In 2012 I can apply for medicare, I hope! With the changes in government one never knows what could happen.
So Mr Forbes, I am tired of being excluded from articles, tv shows, advertisements, that all decide what is affordable. I am not financially comfortable based on Forbes definition which is a portfolio of $500,000. Hmmmm, I am back to thinking buy a lottery ticket. :-)
Consider us, offer an article that encompasses not only those with adequate incomes, but those of us just getting by that would enjoy having other truly affordable options.
If you are reading this and have found your version of Shangra-la and feel it fits those with limited incomes, maybe includes some cultural opportunities, classes to take that discount or allow seniors to audit etc. Post it on my blog and the Forbes article too. Someone has to let people know that there are options for the growing baby boomer population that took a hit in the market or just didn't save enough to cover rising costs in their golden years. Now, if I had bought gold...this would be my golden years!
http://www.forbes.com/2011/01/10/best-places-for-bargain-retirement-homes-personal-finance.html
As I read the comments, many thought the writer was in La La land, regarding the places she thought affordable.
The comments reflected feelings of people across the country. Many were Floridians who were happy in FL and others wanting out. Some comments suggested "truly" affordable places.
Of course I added my 2 cents to the comments. Why, because I am frustrated.
I am insurance poor! I spend about $650+ a MONTH to pay for various insurances. Homeowners, flood, car and health insurance.
I have to work. Would I like to travel, visit family, get out of FL in the summer and return in the winter, HELL YES! Well its not happenin' Why, because I like having the security of knowing if something happens, I will be reimbursed.
Friends of mine don't carry insurance, they just depend on the government to meet thier needs. God bless, I may get to that place. In 2012 I can apply for medicare, I hope! With the changes in government one never knows what could happen.
So Mr Forbes, I am tired of being excluded from articles, tv shows, advertisements, that all decide what is affordable. I am not financially comfortable based on Forbes definition which is a portfolio of $500,000. Hmmmm, I am back to thinking buy a lottery ticket. :-)
Consider us, offer an article that encompasses not only those with adequate incomes, but those of us just getting by that would enjoy having other truly affordable options.
If you are reading this and have found your version of Shangra-la and feel it fits those with limited incomes, maybe includes some cultural opportunities, classes to take that discount or allow seniors to audit etc. Post it on my blog and the Forbes article too. Someone has to let people know that there are options for the growing baby boomer population that took a hit in the market or just didn't save enough to cover rising costs in their golden years. Now, if I had bought gold...this would be my golden years!
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