A Leopard Doesn't Change It's Spot's

The title of this blog today is about trusting your instincts and what you know to be true in spite of what your heart wants. Its also about a book that has been an important part of my life for many years.
HOW TO SURVIVE THE LOSS OF A LOVE. Here is a link if you want to order it.
The book has been a wonderful source of comfort over the years during all kinds of losses. Yesterday I picked it up again.
That old boyfriend that returned is now out of the picture. I think somewhere in the book it tells you, one can never go back. Now and again you forget common sense and decide with only your heart. I was feeling really sad yesterday, sad about the loss of phone calls, plans,affection etc. It ended because he lies. I knew this, but he was very convincing that he had changed.
There was a lot of drama that happened before the end, some of it mine, some his, some a third party. The decision was a no brainer. But tell that to the heart or the little girl inside me that was happy to have someone to dance with and feel like prince charming had returned.
Letting go of the dream, is more difficult then letting go of the man. I have friends that encourage me to feel the feelings, the anger, denial, bargaining and ultimately acceptance.
We only dated a month. I thought to myself this grieving feels huge and realized it was about all the losses in my life not just him.
I took the time to smudge the house yesterday and asked for any negative energy to leave and held him in my thoughts for a good life journey.
I read some pages from a meditation book and then picked up my old favorite, How to Survive the Loss of a Love. I felt calm and peaceful.
Today I had some feelings that made me sad, and I picked up the Surviving book and opened to a page. There was a poem
First I have to get out of love with you
Second I have to remember
Dont fall until you see the whites of their lies
I smiled, God was talking to me again, comforting me, validating my decision.
It will take time. This last month, healthy boudaries were set, red flags were recognized, and esteemable acts continued, as I gratefully listened to those that care about me with an open heart.
The passing of the feelings of loss will move quickly. There was not a big investment since I was cautiously optimistic. However, the longing for someone to share my life with was awakened by my relationship and that will be my lesson.